Heads up! This post was brought over from thonktank (where it might look a bit prettier). Right now, the images are still hosted there, so if thonktank ever floats away into the ether, those images might too. WIP: Migrate all the images here so they’re safe and sound.
I breathe fire, my speakers blare hardcore dubstep, making ears hurt while I am on the verge of insanity. It’s Skrillex. Makes me somewhat nostalgic. I feel these beats can make the demons inside me engulf my entirety but ooooow there’s a birdie on the window sill, sho cute. I slowly walk towards the little thing, wary not to scare it away. Cautiously, I grab the ivory-like Cockspur handle on the window while my focus shifts towards a hungry cat staring at the poor birdie. At this very moment I realised what needed to be done. I swerve the window handle with a swift jerk, ripping off the head of the little cunt on the sill. Good thing to do.
You argue that wasn’t a morally right thing to do? I refute the cat would have chased the poor bird anyway. What is the issue if I just acted as a minor change making agent in nature's plan. Perhaps, even Artemis would be proud of how I saved a lot of butterfly effects from coming into play. I simply made the job easier.
Content with my yet another successful and meaningful endeavour, I return back to my PC. My demons have made peace with the offering, there’s nothing to bother me anymore. My neuro implant agrees, we now have Khushbir Singh Shaad’s wonderful Ghazal caressing the ears–
अगर सच है तुम्हारी मौत का इक दिन मुअय्यन है
तो फिर इस तय-शुदा को ना-गहानी क्यूँ समझते हो
Quite apt, I think Khushbir ji read my head, my actions have received his validation.
It has been days since I slept well. 4.5 hours on an average and think I should kiss myself. Life is hard. Like a true stoic man I must stay awake and put all my efforts in the right direction. Sleeping is a waste of time. I deride those who sleep during the day. Imagine waking up to realise that the sun has completed its journey across the horizon whereas you couldn’t journey even to the loo and behold. O! The lone daysleeper. Thou shalt be condemned to not witness the golden hourth.
Sometimes I don’t go to sleep just to see that beautiful dawn. The bleeding eyes and migraine-like headache is always happy to pave for my irrational soul. It wants what it wants.
::: pullquote I saw happiness and pain in your eyes and reflection of the paradises lost and regained and lost again, that terrible loneliness and happiness, yes, and I reflect upon this and I think about you, like two lonely space pilots in outer cold space, as I sit here this late night alone and I think about all this. - Jonas Mekas :::
Snap back to reality!
An NPC just gave me a jumpscare. Can’t even appreciate the beauty out of the window. He told me that I might die. My straightface said everyone dies. Hmm, I think it was his wish rather than a concern. Or maybe not. Who knows, I should probably let go. Music is soothing and I shouldn’t daydream.
I discovered music through one of my wonderful relatives. They loved having some distraction from reality to deal with life. I believe it was a way to quieten the voices in their heads. Things.
Music had a lot of effect on my upbringing. Ideally, it should have combined with early abacus and swimming lessons to make me a genius. But due to monetary constraints and lies of capitalism, all my utility had to be derived from just looping through cassettes all summer long. I couldn’t achieve the Great Indian Dream of contributing to the GDP abroad and here I am stuck eating mess food that isn’t even food.
They say it is an important part of survival to make use of what is available. I give some of the food to dogs who are tired of scavenging and they love my company now. But I hate dogs, why can’t they just eat and bugger off. I wonder who taught them that it is necessary to pretend and wag tails. Even dogs have learnt the concept of boot licking now? It’s a complex, complex world.
Bring down the government. They don't, they don't speak for us. Radiohead - No Surprises. I could take a quiet life as well. No alarms and no surprises. Will that suffice? Is inaction an action by itself? How would you even define morality? Can you take decisions in a purely ethical system without giving way for immorality?
I ain’t Nietzsche, I haven’t even read Nietzsche, barring a few pages which were thrust upon me by a certain someone. I found it too exhausting to skim through all of that. Why couldn't it be simplified. I don’t even know where I am heading with this. Let’s call it a digression. Or maybe let’s call this to be an abstract postmodern piece of writing with a non-linear narration. I wish I could use this for money laundry purposes the way they do in art galleries. But wouldn’t that be immoral?
Ahoy there! Long time. Captain pretentious says hi. It has been a while since I last posted here. I just came across something I wrote in my journal (idk why) and thought of putting it out here. Perhaps you read through it or just skipped over it, either way I hope you had a good time tapping into some non-essential email that popped up in your inbox. Life’s great.
I'm a great fan of her [Iris Murdoch], but I haven't read any of her books. I just don't have the time. -Kate Winslet
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